Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.
Dear Herry,
As I sat down for breakfast this morning and looked out at the cross across the river from us, I noticed a ribbon of clouds slowly crawling and separating, swirling and reforming in a continual march to the east beneath the ridge. The cross, lit up in its 110′ of LED glory so the entire valley can see it in the dark was shining brightly one moment, and cloaked in dark the next. It reminded me of an early morning run/walk over 30 years ago in Long Beach at our friends beach house when the Lord placed a cross in the clouds and invited me to take it up. At the time all I kept hearing was “widow” and I knew I didn’t want that cross.
At one point this morning, as the river of clouds covered, then continued past the cross, I fully expected to see it still lit up in these early morning hours, but it wasn’t. I felt deflated, and wondered why. Then, totally out of character, it lit up again! My heart soared again, but why?
I thought back to that season I agreed to take up my cross, and all the fear, the questions, the confusion, the hurt, the anger and the depression that followed. I was miserable. At first the Lord did not make clear that my cross was spiritual widowhood, so I was terrified I would be left alone to care for Andrea and Michael, both still in diapers. But God did not leave me in my fears…fears I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with you. Who wants to hear they’re going to be dead soon? Especially when the bearer of such news was totally wrong??
God instead surrounded me with godly women in that MOPS group who, over time, pried my clutching hands from you and turned them instead toward worshiping and sacrificing praises to the One Who gave me that cross. Over time, those women pointed me over and over again to the Bible, where I learned what the cross was really about. It meant love. Grace. Salvation. It meant death…of my SELF, which meant the death of MY hopes, my dreams, my agendas, my expectations, my timelines. Having kids sped those lessons up for me and you both, I think.
On the other side of that death came life. God opened my eyes to His plans, His expectations and His timeline, which has never corresponded to mine. Over the years I’ve wrestled with God over this cross of spiritual widowhood, some seasons thinking I’d found a loophole to escape, sometimes drinking heavily to numb the spiritual loneliness and pain of not having other women who have walked this road and could lead the way, and some seasons I embraced the lessons God was teaching me and began to share with others. If no one could walk this out with me, I could at least walk it out with others.
At the very edge or depths of despair, when I remembered all that the cross meant, it became for me the simultaneous instrument of death – which meant going through ALL the stages of grief, again – AND a beacon of gloriously lit hope. And, go figure, that’s exactly what this morning so tangibly conveyed. I was FEELING the spiritual truth of the cross.
To carry our cross, whatever it is, is like the darkness of the cover of clouds – or the lights being turned off like this morning. To remember the greater burden Jesus carried to His cross…oh how that undoes me! To remember the love Jesus has for us that sent Him there, the sin of ours that nailed Him there, the life He gave to leave death there…well, all the 150 lights of LED glory on that 110′ cross doesn’t hold a candle to the inexpressible, unutterable ANEKLELETOS JOY ignited by those truths of The Cross!
And so I sat in awe this morning, with a little more understanding of how carrying my cross is done with joy in spite of the darkness I am sometimes still prone to feel. My cross may feel heavy at times, but when I turn my eyes and my heart to worship Jesus, that sacrifice of praise spoken of in Hebrews 13:15-16 begins to lift the heaviness and I find the Light comes on so brightly I simply HAVE to share it with others. I sat in awe thinking of my cross, my Jesus, and my ever growing love for you. You know me at my worst, and when the light shines most brightly, and you’ve stuck it out with me no matter how much I thump you with Jesus and the Word.
And this is my prayer: I pray that (our) love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that (we) may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ–to the glory and praise of God.–Philippians 1:9-11
Love, Thumper
About Dear Herry, Love Thumper
In March 1985, Rhonda met Jeff in a Disney World Easter Parade in Orlando, Florida. He was a Navy Ensign wearing his dress whites, she was an Azalea Trail Maid, wearing a pastel yellow antebellum gown. He was assigned the duty of escorting her based on their height. Over the course of two days getting to know each other she learned Jeff had attended the same denomination church she worked at and that he’d led Bible studies in college. Plus he apologized for saying crap and was the first of all the escorts – as far as she knew – who sought out some ice water to offer her in the muggy Florida heat. She was smitten.
After nearly two years of their long distance relationship, they married in January 1987 and spent the next five years while he was in the Navy in Hawaii. She was 19, he was 25. They began their civilian life in the Pacific Northwest in 1992, building their dream home and starting a family. In the middle of that adventure, Jeff’s job was eliminated and they eventually moved to Georgia, without family or friends, for his new job. It was at this point Rhonda realized, having coming from a broken home, she needed help with this parenting thing and she and Jeff began attending church together for the first time since they met. Soon after, Jeff dropped what would become the most life-altering news Rhonda had ever experienced. He did not believe the Bible was the inerrant Word of God, and he did not believe one needed a Savior, Jesus Christ, for a relationship with God.
Just as Rhonda was reconnecting to her church roots, she discovered her soulmate had severed his. This led to a crisis of faith, negotiations with God and periodically trying to find loopholes out of what she learned was an “unequally yoked” marriage (the Bible says IF the unbeliever was willing to stay, the believer must stay in the marriage…so what if I stopped showering or wearing makeup…?). She had heard it preached over the years that believers weren’t supposed to be married to unbelievers. But, having returned over and over again to the very crosshairs of the dogma they disagreed on, Rhonda found conviction, correction and strength from the Bible to stay the course. And, true to His Word, God’s Word has not returned void. She is not the same wrecked young mother she was then. Rather, as a nut who stood her ground, she’s becoming an oak of righteousness for the display of God’s splendor, learning to love through the lens of Truth.
Rhonda currently lives in Wenatchee, WA with her husband Jeff, relishing the outrageous joys of being married, a Nana, skiing, gardening, taking spontaneous road trips and sampling plenty of dark chocolate.
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